Yoga Rant

I just got back from a yoga class. Not just any yoga class, the WORST yoga class I have ever attended. I go to a donation-based studio which means that there is an abundance of bodies everywhere. And you can bet, if they can squeeze you in, they will. Don't get me wrong, I love the studio and I think it is great that they give everyone an opportunity to practice yoga, but sometimes it can get a bit...squishy.

I was already in a bad mood walking to class. I have not been feeling well the past few days and I just wanted to bum around at home, but my boyfriend reminded me how much better I feel after yoga. At the studio, a girl came up to me and hounded me about which spot I was saving, and then sat down next to me and started yammering away to her friends. We were asked to move multiple times to allow more and more people into each row and I could feel my impatience growing. The teacher dimmed the lights and instructed everyone to move into child's pose. Usually, at this point, I allow my body to relax and focus on the next hour of yoga. However, there were still people in line for the bathroom making lots of noise. Someone was dropping something metallic on the floor repeatedly, cell phones were ringing and beeping and a guy in the back farted. Loudly. All these noises kept me rooted in the present and my frustrations.

I tried to stay positive, thinking that once the sweat got going I would focus more on the pain and less on the people around me. I did not click with this teacher and I never really found my flow with this lesson. Furthermore, my lower back, neck and shoulders were feeling crunched and sore (which has been a constant obstacle for me with any exercise I do). I returned to child's pose often because I felt that continuing would be worse for my body than taking a break.

At the end, all of those people who were squished together, tried to squish through the one narrow door, gathering shoes and jackets, giving donations and catching up with friends, all at the same time. I did not feel like my body had been challenged to the usual degree. But do I regret going? Not at all. All of this is part of the practice. Sometimes my hour will not be as rewarding as others. But I still got myself over to the studio and committed to allowing my body and brain to move and stretch for an hour even when TV and junk food where calling to me. Every hour counts, and while this one may not have been as enjoyable as others, it was an experience in and of itself.

the Concept of Mindfulness

While on vacation, I picked up a copy of "Yoga for Beginners," a magazine by Yoga Journal. I highly recommend  it to those starting out with yoga. It had great descriptions of the different types of yoga that are available, as well as other useful articles. One such article was about "mindfulness," which is a Buddhist ideal. Mindfulness is the practice of being aware of your thoughts and feelings while in meditation. Keeping my thoughts at bay has always been a challenge for me, whether it is when I am at my mat or in bed trying to fall asleep. Here is a sample of my brain at any given moment:

"I love yoga. I am feeling great. Although this hurts a little. But that's ok. Right? I can write about this for my blog. How should I describe it? Oh well, it's great that I have a blog to keep me motivated. Oh shoot, ok focus on meditation. Ok meditating, meditating. I am keeping my mind clear right? Or was I thinking about something? Ok, breathe in, breath out. But is that thinking?"... and on and on and on.

I am not sure I have ever achieved some pure meditative state. But enter the idea of mindfulness. Rather than try to fight your thoughts, as I have been doing, be aware of them. That way, instead of trying to push out the thoughts of the day, note that you are thinking them. Instead of punishing myself for not meditating, I am accepting that I have other thoughts and feelings, making it easier to let go of them all. Previously, I have felt a kind of nagging anxiety while trying to clear my mind. I always had the image of myself in an empty room, with all of my thoughts trying to break down the door. I was focused on what I was doing wrong causing myself anxiety rather than peace.

Mindfulness has also helped with the pain of certain positions in my practice. When in a particularly challenging position, I would try to talk myself out of the pain, saying, "This is just an illusion. I can actually do this, no problem." But the pain would still be there and at that point I would come out of the pose, probably when it would have the most effect. Now, I accept that I actually am feeling pain. I accept that my leg is wobbling out of control. And because it no longer feels wrong, or like something I need to take personal action to fix, I am more easily able to work through it. 

It may seem like mindfulness leads to inaction. I am not advocating taking a passive view on life.  Instead, to me, mindfulness means allowing experience to occur without being bogged down by analyzation. Accepting the pain means that I am able to hold the pose and build muscles so I will feel less pain next time. Noticing my over-active brain means staying calmer and coming closer to finding inner-peace. There are plenty of times when action is necessary, but if you run too fast, you may pass by the answer. 

Yoga Journal: Entry 1

It's been a few weeks since I decided to commit myself to yoga and a healthier lifestyle. So far it has been an interesting journey.

It has been a struggle to fully commit to yoga. I have been attending yoga classes every now and then since freshman year of college. (For reference, I am now a junior.) I always loved the high that I felt after class. I was shaky and exhausted but I felt like my body appreciated the work and that all the sweat was flushing my system. But then I wouldn't return for weeks or months at a time. Excuses piled up. I am prone to headaches and any time I felt one coming on, the last place I wanted to be was at my mat in downward dog. I am claustrophobic so I do not like being in a crowded studio, too close to sweaty people. And so, my practice remained fragmented at best.

This year, my yoga practice seemed to feel the same. My busy schedule was just another excuse not to walk to class. However, I started to think continually about the practice. While I am still not at the frequency level I would hope for, I am starting to increase my class number per week. One of the biggest motivations came two or three weeks ago. When coming out of half pigeon, yogis would pop their back leg up to give themselves a further stretch. I have never been able to do that. I was convinced my body did not move that way. But miraculously, one day I felt my muscle flex as I watched those in front of me reach back for there leg. When I tried, my leg popped right up. It's an incredible feeling to be able to do something that just a day or two before seemed impossible.

In class earlier this week, I had yet another new experience. Whenever the instructor has us in a particularly challenging position, he tells us to feel the heat. I always thought I knew what heat he was talking about. I was sweating buckets after all. But this class, while in a long and tortuous downward dog, I did not let myself quit. While pushing myself to the limit, I felt "the heat" in a way I never have before. It was hotter than that sweaty mess I was feeling before, but it felt like strength, not weakness. It was a great motivator. The next day, my muscles were sore, but I felt so much stronger. I finally felt like it was "paying off."

It's not just the physical rewards that make yoga so fulfilling. An hour class of yoga is like an hour session of therapy for me. Yoga is linked with the idea of  meditation. When you come to your mat, that is a time for you to focus solely on your practice. In a world of computers, cell phones, etc. it is hard to slow down enough to focus on one task. Multitasking is praised. Yoga is a break, an opportunity to put all your care and focus into one thing. In this way, yoga becomes a reward, not simply a workout. And I always remind myself: "The time to relax is when you don't have time for it" (Sydney J. Harris). Another  great lesson I have learned from yoga is a phrase that is often repeated at the studio where I practice. "You are so much stronger than you think you are." Often, we let our mind convince us we are unable to achieve something. In reality, if we go for it, putting in the effort rather than thinking about the possibility of failure, we are likely to succeed. Yoga has become a metaphor for life. The philosophy has inspired me on and off the mat, and because of this, the more I practice yoga, the more I want to do yoga. I am not yet at a point where I feel the need (or find the time) to practice everyday, but I do not doubt that I may get to that point someday.

Mats? Mascara?

Why Mats?

I used to think yoga and pilates were fancy forms of stretching. Boy, was I wrong. For the past two years, I have had an on-again off-again relationship with these mats. I love yoga class or a session at my nearby pilates studio, but when it comes to working out, consistency is my big issue. So for the "mats" section, I will truthfully describe my attempts at being healthy. With Bridget-Jones-style honesty. For example, I will not lie and say I ate my whole 250 calorie Thai rice noodle bowl for dinner. Instead, I will confess to giving up about a third of the way through and noshing on mini-Cadbury eggs (my biggest weakness). Hey, this is my first post. Things will get better. Right? Anyway, we are all busy and struggling against the temptations of Easter candy, among other things. Lets hope I can slowly change my ways and offer some advice (or perhaps give an example of what not to do) along the way.

Why Mascara?

Aside from the nice alliteration? I have a slight beauty addiction. Well, really a diagnosable obsession. The beauty community on YouTube has me hooked and now I am crazy for all things beauty, especially those boasting natural ingredients and free of parabens. Mascara is my absolute number one must have. It is that product that my face feels naked without. But more on that later. As well as my obsession with skin care and YouTube hauls. 

So welcome to my blog. Enjoy!